Epistle of the stars!

2 long weeks of waiting!

The previous post of "Happy Birthday John" has a short paragraph of what my family is going through at the moment. It was not meant as anything towards my friends.....not that you guys are not there for me but I am a very private person especially when it concerns my family's welfare. I only wrote it to express my concern for my mom not to say anything that my friends were not there for me..you guys were especially Ari, Beb and Michelle by making me laugh these past few days online...chatting with me and entertaining me with crazy antiques. Michelle its ok...you did not do anything wrong...it was me who made it discreet. Sorry! Please dun feel bad anymore.

Anyway, the operation is over....*sigh* and my mom is safely on recovery. It's a small procedure anyway just to obtain remove the cyst. Now, it's a two agonizing weeks of a long wait for the results to tell if its...bad news(possible cancer cells) or good news (only cyst). I pray that it is the GOOD NEWS! I couldnt sleep the whole nite before but I was glad for the reasuring sms from Ari and Michelle. Thank you! But then again...I still couldn't sleep so I was praying the night away till it was time to wake up....7 am...the dreaded early morning hospital call. Praying that mom would be okay that she would be well. So far....the doctor is quite happy with the results saying that everything looks good but to be sure.....the results will be out IN 2 WEEKS. Oh God....please confirm that it is just a cyst and nothing more!!! Anyway, once over I was so tired as I picked my brother up from work and sat with him as he ate lunch. I just did not have the appetite to eat anyway! But I had a nice nap ...sleeping the whole afternoon away...what a waste of my last day in KK but I think I really needed it...akkaka I'm such a lazy piggy.

Well, the worst is not over....first there would be the report of the results...and after that frequent check-ups for anything possible. Any slight sign would require a thorough procedure with the doctor. God please please keep her safe! Thank you God for everything! The only place that I could turn to was God in this times....I just didn't know how to say it to my friends. It was real difficult to say anything...even blogging it scares me...that the more I talk about it....bad things will happen. But thank God for now everything looks up....I pray it continues this way with the report! I love my mom so much....gosh I really do. Especially after my beloved aunt passed on to heaven just a few days before I arrived back in KK. It is still difficult for me to blog about it....even worse to talk about it. I know the grief I feel is nothing compared to the grief of my dear cousins. But my uncle made us all be more conscious of our health! Not to forsake small stuff. My mom did...she knew about the cyst from last year. She thought it was nothing! It took her one year to even worry about it. Well, thank God it is still nothing for now. She shouldn't have dragged it....but she had her way with us. The possibility of cancer cells hiding behind it is quite high according to the doctor. Her previous doctor did not state so! Who would have known? She would have continued on not caring if she had not seen this new doctor. So much to thank God for now....everything. I'm blabbering on already....sorry

posted by Orion @ 3:54 PM 0 Comments

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN!!

It's my beloved brother's birthday and I was so glad to be able to organize such a nice dinner for him. And it was great so to say to my dad....as he praised me...for the first time....that "Erin, tonight was good. You would make a great event planner in the future." I was so flattered...my dad....saying something like that. That is another reason why he is such a great dad. What did I do? Nothing much!

I just booked the reservations and got us a nice tiramisu cake for my bro....with a discount complimentary of the staff and I got the captain to sing "Happy Birthday!" which got the whole restaurant singing for him. It was good....my bro was so happy! I even guided the whole course of food...from salad sandwiches all the way to pasta then pizza and yummy seafood. Of cuz...it's nothing that great but everyone was happy.

But I got a little pissed off at the captain when the supposing cake did not arrive after our meal despite like millions...ok sorry exagerating...I mean numerous enquiries....then 1 hour later of waiting for water and cake at an empty table...ok so I was pissed...but it was my brother's birthday and I just couldnt get angry. After that we went to this little desert place to have nice manggo pudding which was sold out...SADLY but my bro is not a picky person thank God so we had nice manggo smoothie....ahahahahha!

Well, that was the end to a good day.....but then again....the next day starts early with my mom going in to the hospital for a D&C. I'm too lazy to explain. I'm so worried for her....God please protect her and make sure she is safe and healthy. She has a cyst in her uterus and things are getting worse. We don't know that under that is there a tumour....cancer....benign...malignant...all these words from my biology books during A-levels is becoming real to me now. Oh God please keep her safe especially now when I am so far away. I know she stays strong for us not crying and laughing all the time...but deep down in her eyes I see a burden of worry but its all in God's hands. Lord please please please let her be fine! And I try to do the same...be strong but I have no where to turn to. I need a hug *sigh*

posted by Orion @ 1:18 AM 0 Comments

Education stooping to its lowest?

I know many of you out there are business people but I curse those who turn education into one of their revenues. Many people such as high school teachers and principals are the main standing examples of how education is furthur above the figures of profit or the luxury in high incomes just to see that smile on you face...grasping new knowledge in your sponge brain.

I was chatting with a friend of mine who works in the university I go to. I was appalled by his nonchalant behaviour of trying to convince me of that the university's idiotic attempt of revenue with the gym. I know he has a good heart and I understand the profit one can get from a gym which apparent goes up to RM 1.8 billion per year from my university. Now, he tried pushing me with this figures. BUT it angered me more of how education has now become a place for people like Mr. Lim Kok Wing to earn money and not care for the welfare of the students.

My father is an educationist. And I used to hate being so patriotic towards this world of education. But people like Mr. Lim puts the shame many noble man like my father put into making knowledge a thing of importance and not making profit. Yes...I believe that one should earn but do not my university get enough of it from its reknown overly high end fees. And resource fees that fly up to RM1000 per year yet they are forcing their students who are dependant on their parents' money to flaunt in on required Rm240 just so that the gym stands there. Tell me...why could they not just let it stand there with the money already invested in? Dear God...even the library is not equipped enough to have a copy of the '7 Habits of Highly Effective People'.

Im am so depressed to know that education is now not at its ideal as it has been many years ago. The government under Dr. M has tried hard...pushing for the best of education where many other educationist like my dad suffer lots of emotional and physical turmoil for the best of theirs students. He put sweat and blood into what he believes in and many other educationist I met put the students above figures and profits and some even their brand new BMW. My dad would be there to answer the anxious calls of a worried parent. Would Mr. Lim do that? NO...that is for sure. A real educationist would be there to answer all the angry questions of a failed student...I know Mr. Lim wont. He wont even listen to the problems the university face that troubles so many students a day. Please if you feel saddened by the change in this one thing left ideal in this world...spread the world round!! Give me your thoughts...thank you! Please tell me I am not alone in this........ for me personally I am already close to tears!!

posted by Orion @ 1:47 AM 0 Comments

Hating people will ruin you?

I was in church today and I travelled into the odd world of un-remembered memories where I used to fantasize about bringing the man of my dreams to my church to be married where all my youth time and childhood friends would be able to stand witness. I am so sorry to know that maybe it would not be a possible dream to fulfill. Sorry mom and dad! You would have been so proud.

I was watching a movie derived from the Mitch Albom's Five People You Meet In Heaven book. This movie really shocked me bad as there was people he met that without his knowing caused their death so that he could live. I wonder how many innocent people have I killed due to my unknown sins & horrible actions. Maybe a harsh remark cause someone to be too disturbed to drive properly and got into an accident. Or maybe a complaint about a waitress caused her to loose her job...thus causing a downfall to the financial source of her small poor family. This really freaked me out...what have I done??

The 3rd person he met was the owner of the place he worked at all his life...and one comment she said about how this thing about hatred doesnt only affect one but both parties. So with my now reknown hatred for men...not only am I pushing men away (which I actually find it good) but the worst part is that it punishes me with this gnawning inside from the negativity in me. Oh God what am I to do? Let go of the hatred? I know it sounds like an easy decision but its never as easy as it sounds rite? The dissapointment drives me to hatred and from there gives me this new inspiration to be better and stronger...I DUNNO LAR

Anyway whichever way it was....I love the starting of the book. If I can remember it well...it goes something like this ....

~ It was like any other day for Eddie the Maintanence Guy at the Ruby Pier Amusement Park. If he knew that he was going to die that day maybe he would have done something different. But he did not, and so he went about like what he has done everyday...like any other day....fixing things in the park~

As I read this, I begin to appreciate life more. Think about it....!!! Live today like its your last....

posted by Orion @ 10:20 PM 0 Comments

World of secrets!

Well, I couldnt sleep last nite so when my mom was awake at 6 am to get my little sis to wake up for school..heheh but I was still awake SO I pretended to be asleep as my mom would have my head if she knew I was not in slumber land. Anyway, I felt her put the blanket on me gently and position my wild legs right. I am so touched and it is at this moments that I know the best that my parents love me so much.

Then I started thinking after reading "batman & robyn" and "the family man" this 2 blogs of parents struggling to raise their children right. In Malaysia, most parents believe in the prospect of not telling too much to their children. I do not hear a constant declaration of love from my mom every sec much less everyday. Only when I am not far far away in KL studying and living on my own did they miss me. However, with today's modern technology, parents have began to write down the momentos of life ....like the birth of Family Man's son...which touched me deeply. I would be so lucky to have been his son. But then I know my dad felt the same way...only that I do not have the same confirmation in words. I thought to myself...since I am insulting this world of secrecy..would I allow my parents to read my blog?? I do not think so....it is too much into my personal life that they can dig into. I do not want them to judge me as bad...I do not want to see how their image of me being a good daughter be changed!!! Tell me...what do u think?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

You Are Strawberry Ice Cream

A bit shy and sensitive, you are sweet to the core. You often find yourself on the outside looking in. Insightful and pensive, you really understand how the world works. You are most compatible with chocolate chip ice cream.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

posted by Orion @ 8:15 PM 0 Comments

Should woman cry in front of a man??

As I watched the daily 8 pm news...something caught my eye! The International Trade and Industry Minister Datuk Seri Rafidah Aziz was bawling her eyes out at a press conference. She was saddened by Dr. M's accusations on her quality of work. Now, I know most people would be debating about the truth of the accusations and all but I am utterly so different. I was debating with my brother & sister about the relevance...the rightness of her crying in front of the press. My brother stated that it was to have the press on her side to show that she is the victim in this all. I believed that by crying we are showing our weakness to the one party we have been fighting to prove our equality to. I know I have been dubed the cruel hard hearted intense career woman type especially by my bro who loves petite and cute and mostly vulnarable women. I guess to him I'm doomed to be single...but that is another story. What is right and what is wrong? I do not know how to come about the subject of becoming a successful person in a so called man's world. I am sure all the successful woman out there has claimed that to survive you need twice the hard work, triple the perseverence and a lot of excellence....I pray hard I get to where I dream. Does dreams really can be fulfilled? Do you think I would be able to be good enough to achieve it? With all the books I read...it seems to imply most women with the plus of good looks and great brains only can get themselves up the ladder? I am glad of the pathways opened by the already successful woman...but maybe they were extraordinary people....!!!

However, I do admire the way Rafidah handled the situation...by writting a letter with lots of proof. A wonderful journalism student I would say....ahahhaha. I wonder if it gets tougher or easier in the future with the competition between men and women on the ladder of success!!


Read the news article....sorry couldnt get you the clip!

posted by Orion @ 12:20 AM 0 Comments

Sabah's annual 7km run....i joined???

Yeah I did....and guess what I am a regular participant every year. This year the T-shirt looks great...but I do not see the relavance of it being sloganed "The Colourful Run" and nothing seems colourful. What do you think bout the shirt?(refer to guy in the front right with the white shirt).It even rained non stop till our foots steped up to the starting line!!! But it was good. I used to run this with a very good friend of mine...but as years progressed I regret to say we have failed to keep in touch. I do blame myself partly for the lack in communicating but then its not easy...she is one who leads her own life well??? I just dunno how to explain here kakakaka.....!!! But it was nice...thinking back about all the good times panting like mad & running crazily trying to keep up with each other. This yeat I took my time looking around trying to memorize the images of Sabah...I wont be back for long. I am unsure of when would I next follow this long path. I wonder how Mr. MCP felt when he flew off too....not coming back to a place he called home. Well, at least he is with family. The impact of finally studying and next working in a foreign place for a long long time has finally set in. I am afraid....

A few days ago I got a little irritated with the fact that my parents seem to think I am 6 yrs old. They had curfews re-enforced and lots of misconceptions about my hatred for men. I remembered one time in A-levels where I told them that I would be staying back in the school to study. The first thought that came into their minds were...."Is there a boy?" which got me so angry at them for weeks. I was thinking about my future and all they can think about is how I delight myself in the arms of a male...*yuck* But I am going to miss them nontheless when I go far away to study. *sigh* guess its time for the bird to fly from its cage....oh my parents aren't that bad as it seems. It is just the way they are but no matter what they still love me. Aren't all parents like that too?? It seems to us that they are making mistakes yet they are...SOMETIMES....but all the time its just their love put into action. I don't blame them...I'm not a parent so I have no say. But I do know one thing...parenting is not easy and only when I have my own would I truly understand.....!!!

Question!
I was writing up a friendster message for a friend....does this sound like some corny crap, philosophy or words of wisdom?
~ the point of finding true love to me is just a thought of envy with ppl who have it yet for me im not eager to find myself in that vulnarable position ~
~to a girl its not the extend of his wallet or the perfectness of who he is...if you have touched her heart then her love is extended to you...for a long time~ (said to my bro this afternoon)
kakakka...to my little sister of 15 years old...its lame and corny! What do you think?

posted by Orion @ 12:52 AM 2 Comments

Cant run from karma.....

AS I imagine the tears streaming down my face as much as the pain I feel, my heart has hardened into cool particles of ice that cannot be melted. I now am on a road of flash backs where every single time karma worked its way to me. Many have said I was good but I know that I have been bad that no human could be spared from K-A-R-M-A. At this moments I feel like calling my Kakak Ari to explain the ropes in life but I cannot bother her with my petty worries. It is guilt that drove me to this confession yet it is guilt that is teaching me how to stand up again however it is guilt that gave me the most valuable lesson in life.....which I shall impart on you ~ NO matter how much your mouth & mind says something....you heart will tell you the truth...YET with your heart U DECIDE then declare with your mouth and proclaim in you mind...then there is where DETERMINATION sets.

Well, as you guys know about the guy from Coffee Bean who was so called fascinated by me. By the next day he was hooked up with my friend oledi. Truthfully I am glad for it but yet suddenly in my heart I realised something deep. Karma happens in this world....and guess what...when it comes to me...IT WORKS INSTANTLY!!!

I did a very horrible thing and I know darling dear you are reading this. You see only a few days ago I was asking permission from my best friend whether I could go out with her ex boyfriend as he has asked me out. I dreeded that move yet I knew that if I were to agree to the outing I would only feel uneasiness...so I went to her for blessing and hence find my peace. But I WAS TOO SELFISH...I did not tend for her feelings. I finally know how you feel and till now though you did not express you sadness and anger I am still feeling quilty over what I did. Well, no worries cause God has taught me His lesson on how I should understand how you feel. You see...though I know there would not be a future with that CB guy it just felt so dissapointing that his utter love for me evaporated a day later while he has been dreaming of me since the first day he saw me in Lim Kok Wing. This now gives me another good reason that show why this world is extinct of good men. Is it resentment and betrayal that I feel towards my best friend now?? NO...cause I brought this unto myself. Anyway, I did not like him that much but was hoping for a second chance. Thank God I got out of it early. It is my fault...sorry my best friend...the one who understands me so much for even thinking of going out with your ex-boyfriend.

I think my ex bf's actions on cheating with another girl was also brought on by me also. There were a few men who were after me at that time. But I put them on hold not knowing which decision to make between the 2. And by doing so it was such a horrible wrong doing yet I still did it. Well, guess what...few weeks later I found out my bf who claims to love me has a fiance. Thanks to the modern technology of friendster they both wrote love letters to each other boldly...maybe so I would find out...maybe so that I would realise that I was a puppy after a fake piece of steak.

This I dedicate to the deepest heartfelt apology to my best friend who has always been there for me yet I dissapoint her so many times by first being such a meanie and I came late to a few of our hang kai sessions. I am so sorry. I love you so much for being so patient with me and loving me despite my ugliness. I also want to thank all my other close friends...Fi Fi, Mag, Mr. MCP, Gloria (though you are not always there I know you still do love us) and Bryan and also John my 2 beloved brothers who has treated me like a princess and I know one day a proper man will do the same for me. And thank you for that lovely poem that touched me so...(this one you kow who you are)

I end this with a smile full of love and eyes filled with dry tears....GOD BLESS U ALL!

posted by Orion @ 8:00 PM 0 Comments

Beach paradise!

Sorry havent been posting lately. I sneaked off to my beach apartment to have some relax time away from the boring city life I'm leading now. And boy was it nice...swimming and walking on the beaches. Admiring the scenery and thinking back to old memories you know you will always treasure. Some things may not be important to some...but to me...my memories of them will always be the greatest gifts they every gave me...OF CUZ it has to be good ones la.

We had a BBQ on the second day and boy...it was not easy starting the fire especially when it is 2 girls only. But don't you worry...we did not fail!! It was winding and already starting to rain but both of us combined our intelligent brains and YEAH we lighted the fire and we started cooking our lovely food...half an hour later...the small drizzle turned into large raindrops bombarding onto our lovely fire and food. But my friend was smart and decided to stand our ground and pray hard it was passing rain. Ok she said it was passing rain...I doubted her...sorry!!! Anyway, the food was excellent due to all our hard work and this gives me another reason to love being independant......

Talking about being stripped from the help of men, I had a very weird encounter. As you all know I work as a waitress in the coffee house in my uni. So a few days ago, I was sitting in Coffee Bean with a few friends when a girl from the opposite table said that her brothers were interested in us and wanted to know us. Apparently, the guy saw me in the coffee house in Lim Kok Wing and was in Sabah for a holiday. To his delight as if fate has brought us together (this is where I puke blood! ) he sees me here...and says that he has been fascinated with me since the day he saw me at the coffee house. Gosh...so ok I gave him a chance and we talked. By the end of the day, I realised he didn't really like me for who I am...he just wanted me in his bed. Well, sorry boy I'm not that cheap and easy. Need someone to sleep with...get a prostitute....they are more than willing!!!

Tell me after meeting so many jerks...how can any girl actually believe the lies men feed us with?? Don't blame us for being sceptical with you men....sorry we have to...to protect ourself from being hurt/used/abused. The really nice men at heart...sorry for all the trouble you have to go through to prove your love to us hardened girl...but you can put the blame on jerks like that! But I pray for wonderful success with the girl of your dreams...I'm sure with your sincerity you will get her..!!!!

posted by Orion @ 1:08 AM 0 Comments

Congratulations London!!!

Well, I'm kind of glad for London that they get to host the Olympics for 2012. Wonder by that time I would have enough money to actually go there to witness it? But really...isnt London a bit cold?? Imagine running in their skimpy sports wear in such a cold weather!!! I was thinking you know...why not Paris...it would be nice for me then I can go to my beloved city and also watch the Olympics...see can kill 2 birds with one stone..sorry for me then...*sniff* *sniff* . But anyway all the best to London...they are celebrating already..........

Hahahahah...I really never expected it to be like this. I am so predictable though. Anyway 25% prison slang?? Boy am I vulgar...akakkaka. Whichever way it is...I think I'm ready for my one year study in Melb.....

Your Slanguage Profile

Aussie Slang: 75%

British Slang: 25%

Canadian Slang: 25%

New England Slang: 25%

Prison Slang: 25%

Victorian Slang: 25%

Southern Slang: 0%

posted by Orion @ 6:29 PM 0 Comments

Serial killer with a blog?

I never saw that coming. Who would have in the world imagined reading a blog about a person's daily turmoils only to find out later that it was a post he giddily wrote before stepping out into the street turning himself to being a threat to the surrounding and then putting his target on a nice happy family...scattering the peace with his anger and ruining the wonderful lives of those people. I was reading through a friend's blog and this is what I read.... (p.s. ~ sickening! this is not for the faint heart)

AN INTERNET blog provided a chilling insight into the mind of a sex offender, Joseph E. Duncan III yesterday as he was charged with kidnapping an eight-year-old girl and questioned over the murders of her family.

Let's us have a moment of silence to grief the death of the girl’s mother, Brenda Groene, 40, her brother Slade, 13, and her mother’s boyfriend, Mark McKenzie where they were beaten to death in their Idaho home. Pray for the little girl and her brother (the only remaining survivors I hope)....



The girl was found safe but the boy.....pray that he is safe k? Hope the girl can carry on well in her life. Poor girl....she went through so much....children are so innocent. I ache to know of so many sad stories about little kids....why target them? they are so innocent...ARGH

Wonder how he blog sounds like....???Quoted from "Times Online" .

“Despite my actions, I’m not a bad person, I just have a disease contracted from society, and it hurts a lot.” May 13

“I have been asking God to help defeat the demons. In fact, last night I was on my knees begging him, crying out loud to him, to help me. He didn’t answer, again.”

“. . . I am scared, alone, and confused, and my reaction is to strike out toward the perceived source of my misery, society. My intent is to harm society as much as I can, then die.”

“. . . I was in prison for over 18 years, since the age of 17. As an adult all I knew was the oppression of incarceration. All those years I dreamed of getting out . . . And getting even. Instead, I got out and I got even, but did not get caught. So, I got even again, and again did not get caught.” May 11

Next time u read a blog, make sure to pay attention to weird details you'll never know what you can discover

posted by Orion @ 12:03 PM 0 Comments