Epistle of the stars!

Do you really know yourself?

Its only been a mere 26 days since the big day of change. But that day was nothing...compared to what seemed to have happened since then.

The one big day of happiness masked the many more important things that seems to have been forgotten to be addressed. A lot of brides feel lost after a wedding cuz they got nothing else to focus on...to plan for...to look forward to.

But for me, the wedding day was not a goal...a big event...but just a progression of time & day.

Sadly, today, after 2 whole days of crying and being bedridden it is not so much of a marathon of tasks but a tsunami of thoughts.

Within 26 days, I lost the trust and confidence I had in people around me. Most of the time I blame myself. Other times, I blame them. All because every single one of them...including my husband...believes that honesty is not the best policy and hiding/keeping secrets from me is easier that being open & truthful.

But when 3 people, the people one is supposed to depend on...to love....to grow old together.... decides deliberately to break your heart in 10 million pieces. All within the span of 3 days. You start to wonder!

"Is it me? Am I choosing the wrong people in my life? Is it me who causes them to act this way?"

And then you start thinking and analyzing. And then you conclude, maybe you don't know yourself that well. That you pick people in your life that is not compatible for you. You start to doubt that all that effort you put in...all that emotion....was because you had this false facade of yourself. That it was not a true indication of who I am but who I wanted to become (and am not!).

On Tuesday, when I was at a seminar, they say that successful driven people hang out with equally driven people. It kind of hit home base when the people who continue to touch my life are as driven...but the people now that I have chosen at this point to surround me is not as much. Is it my fault? Did I dream myself into a nightmare?

So, today, I am determined! I am to take a personality test and get to know myself better. From there, maybe I will decide.......I just hope it is not too late!

posted by Orion @ 12:55 PM