Cant run from karma.....
AS I imagine the tears streaming down my face as much as the pain I feel, my heart has hardened into cool particles of ice that cannot be melted. I now am on a road of flash backs where every single time karma worked its way to me. Many have said I was good but I know that I have been bad that no human could be spared from K-A-R-M-A. At this moments I feel like calling my Kakak Ari to explain the ropes in life but I cannot bother her with my petty worries. It is guilt that drove me to this confession yet it is guilt that is teaching me how to stand up again however it is guilt that gave me the most valuable lesson in life.....which I shall impart on you ~ NO matter how much your mouth & mind says something....you heart will tell you the truth...YET with your heart U DECIDE then declare with your mouth and proclaim in you mind...then there is where DETERMINATION sets.Well, as you guys know about the guy from Coffee Bean who was so called fascinated by me. By the next day he was hooked up with my friend oledi. Truthfully I am glad for it but yet suddenly in my heart I realised something deep. Karma happens in this world....and guess what...when it comes to me...IT WORKS INSTANTLY!!!
I did a very horrible thing and I know darling dear you are reading this. You see only a few days ago I was asking permission from my best friend whether I could go out with her ex boyfriend as he has asked me out. I dreeded that move yet I knew that if I were to agree to the outing I would only feel uneasiness...so I went to her for blessing and hence find my peace. But I WAS TOO SELFISH...I did not tend for her feelings. I finally know how you feel and till now though you did not express you sadness and anger I am still feeling quilty over what I did. Well, no worries cause God has taught me His lesson on how I should understand how you feel. You see...though I know there would not be a future with that CB guy it just felt so dissapointing that his utter love for me evaporated a day later while he has been dreaming of me since the first day he saw me in Lim Kok Wing. This now gives me another good reason that show why this world is extinct of good men. Is it resentment and betrayal that I feel towards my best friend now?? NO...cause I brought this unto myself. Anyway, I did not like him that much but was hoping for a second chance. Thank God I got out of it early. It is my fault...sorry my best friend...the one who understands me so much for even thinking of going out with your ex-boyfriend.
I think my ex bf's actions on cheating with another girl was also brought on by me also. There were a few men who were after me at that time. But I put them on hold not knowing which decision to make between the 2. And by doing so it was such a horrible wrong doing yet I still did it. Well, guess what...few weeks later I found out my bf who claims to love me has a fiance. Thanks to the modern technology of friendster they both wrote love letters to each other boldly...maybe so I would find out...maybe so that I would realise that I was a puppy after a fake piece of steak.
This I dedicate to the deepest heartfelt apology to my best friend who has always been there for me yet I dissapoint her so many times by first being such a meanie and I came late to a few of our hang kai sessions. I am so sorry. I love you so much for being so patient with me and loving me despite my ugliness. I also want to thank all my other close friends...Fi Fi, Mag, Mr. MCP, Gloria (though you are not always there I know you still do love us) and Bryan and also John my 2 beloved brothers who has treated me like a princess and I know one day a proper man will do the same for me. And thank you for that lovely poem that touched me so...(this one you kow who you are)
I end this with a smile full of love and eyes filled with dry tears....GOD BLESS U ALL!
posted by Orion @ 8:00 PM
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