Stressed...I want OUT!If only I can say that every time something does not go the way I want it to.
Sitting at a deja vu moment as I watch my best friend flirting sheepishly with a staff member from where I work. My mind flashes back to the time I met him the second time; the overly zealous conversation, the asking me where the cloth for cars are kept so he can wash his car and the orders I barked at him. Somehow, I wished for someone better for her...someone way over my league....some tall, dark, handsome Christian prince with his own house and a million cars. But this is expected of a friend so in love with her...not in the horrible way you are imagining it!!!
Anyway, back to the story...
As I look at her happily soak up his attention, I feel a little worry and protectiveness for her emotions. I don't want her to get hurt especially since I don't even know that guy well besides the fact that he is nice. Yet as we spend the next 4 hours catching up on all the juicy details in each others' lives...I realise I am in no position to worry....I am in the similar deep pot of shit.
The only thing is she had the sense to take things slow. Me...just like previous experiences...just jumped into it like a tub of warm water during chilly winter. Regrets....plentiful...as I struggle as everything catches up with me. The emotions, the repercussions, the problems.
However, at least one of us is doing good...self discipline. And I know her response would be..."Read the bible more!".
But somehow this time, as everything piled up on me, I adopted a brand new attitude of "QUITTING". Not wanting to struggle on but to just raise my arms up in surrender. As we both reviewed our study plans, I amazed myself by actually agreeing to abandon our masters plan. What is wrong with me? This is not the me that I know.
Yet as the 2nd semester seem to pass me by, I see that this studying is ridiculous as everything I learn will not apply in the future...that everything I spend many hours on is total ridiculous buffalo doodie....
So, for now, I am going to be that loser and say....I WANT OUT!