Juggling wobbly...Imagine the circus music surrounding you. And out wobbles a clown in gigantic shoes and face paint thick enough to cover all your room walls. He has painted on a 100megawatt smile but behind those thick lines of paint is a uncertain smile...for he is juggling 4 red balls in his hand...and the never-ending fear of him dropping those balls, losing balance or embarassing himself in front of the audience keeps his heart racing at 100 beats a minute.
For you see..he does not juggle with the same grace as a juggler would...the ones trained professionally to just juggle but he is an amateur...throw into the act for the sake of entertainment and circumstance but not for the love of it.
Have you ever felt that way? That we are forever juggling what we have in life. The more important things there are to you at the moment...the more you have to juggle them to fit into your short available times.
I feel now....the unstable and wobbly juggling of things in my life...my studies, work, church and friends, him and gym/stayin fit. There is never enough time in the day and not a moment in which I have time to relax. But not to say...I wish for more time with him...because its the only time I do get to relax. But would it be too selfish or greedy to ask for more investment of his time...when he himself face the same problem of juggling heavier balls than mine?
But the days seems to go by happier when I know he is there to support me. Yet, some days....i just overly mental masturbate of the outcome far far away from today. The cultural differences freak me out. The fact that all my friends are asians and all his friends are white. But hey....life is bout challenges. Needless to say we did not choose the conventional path to knowing each other and getting to know each other....which for many is taboo, even the lil asian me...but we shall be positive hey?
Studies is piling up on me...I am so busy there is no time where my brain doesn't think and process. I am sick of studying and this is only my second semester....can someone kick me in the bum? Forgive my weird ramblings....I have a test in 3 hours yet I refuse to study and currently have no internet at home so am blogging in the midst of 10 million other Curtin students....ARGH!