You need to stop sending all these clones of unmentionable name (Mr. S.A. Tan) to me. I can take one. But to have one in the family too.....really gets me to the core of my bones.
We, normals, can't constantly fight battles. Our human body is not made like that. We can't rise from the dead like Jesus did. It was cool & all...but I don't remember you passing me that power.
It's bad enough we need to love our body and resist all wonderfully man-made wonders such as chocolate and ice cream. Then we need to love others, even tho they are mean to you. Then, after all of that, you make sure I can't even have those comfort food like cheese and M&Ms. I protest that I have been made flawed or essentially my soul has been chucked in a faulty body. I was meant for that hot blonde blue eyed size 6 body I see walking down the street eating chocolate croissants for breakfast and still rock that tight mini skirt.
So, please, give me a sign. Please give me something good....drop down the recipe for slimming chocolate cupcakes.....or a way to end suffering that does not get me in hell. So maybe, just a trump card, to call upon lighting to strike anyone who has no sense to fear the tiny friend of the Almighty God.
Cuz seriously, karma is a coming too long. Need something now.....
Do they sell vanishing powder in Bunnings? Would be nice to make some horrid stuff go away!
I love you God. Please answer soon. I mean it! I am desperado....
PS - Picture came from some other blog (Credits to :http://trollcats.com)
Releasing my dream into the universe....
I have been totally inspired by Melissa at Dear Baby
. As I read her words, I feel a stirring deep down inside.
Ps Brian Houston from Hillsong Church talked about how when God has instilled a dream into your heart...when you are near it or within the opportunity, you feel a strong pull towards it. You feel it kick in your soul like a kick from a baby in the womb ready for birth.
Today, I felt this....
A karate chop in my soul when I read Melissa's blog post. I always wanted to be a writer. The only reason I endure journalism for the many years in university was the passion to one day write to inspire and touch people. But then, one mean old geezer of a lecturer, managed to pop my bubble...
Moving from Malaysia to Australia was not only a cultural shock but a shock in my belief system. I was proud and confident that I was smart. Then, I walked into an Aussie journalism class....and realized that I was behind by several centuries. I never wrote a real paper-published article before, never seen a news room before, and never ever contacted some snotty politician for his opinion. I was struggling and my confidence in myself dropped so low I stopped talking in class. One day, a compulsory rounds on a case study on the board forced my stapled shut lips to utter the few words of doom...as the sun dried man before me(teacher & holder of all journalistic knowledge) loomed impatiently. He wanted my opinion on the case study, I gave it in a meek tone and I saw in slow motion....the change in his features. Surprise then disgust. I watched his face burst into flames as he screamed at me for being so stupid!
Here I was in a first world country.....advanced in all ways of civil rights...but I heard the snickers behind me as they watched the only Asian student in their class get in trouble. It was then I knew I was different. Skin colour does make a difference...cause that skin colour also means a different educational background. Barely scrapping through that class...I saw myself begging the head lecturer to let me pass. Thank God...I did. But only with wounded pride, for the only reason I passed was because the head journalism lecturer took pity on the crying Asian girl that got screamed at. (PS - She just gave birth...so woo hooo for hormones!)
So I put my dream in a box and let it flow down the River of Regret.
By the way, don't take pity on me! There is so much advantages to being Asian here...
1. Tiger Moms are the bomb. You never appreciate the nagging til you stop getting them!
2. We have BIG dreams & push ourselves hard
3. We are tiny...and can squeeze through crowds
4. Being short seems to be a novelty.....if you're thick skin enough to take the jokes
5. We know Credit Cards are evil(so we don't have any debt before the age of 25)
6. Saving money is a habit...not a everyday struggle
Going through all this...makes you tough! Tough enough to want that dream to come true....and make it come true.
The meek me...
A before and after person emerges after a trauma or a big change in life. You are never the same again!
The before me...was aggressive, motivated, not afraid of anything but flying cockroaches.
The after me....is still motivated, wants everything in life but somehow turned into a meek lamb of submission & is afraid of mean people.
So what happens now? How can a person want everything in life but is too afraid to stand up for themselves?
But the bible below quotes :-
I am so confused....can someone help? Dear God please? *silence resounds*
Must be a tad too early...I will ring again in a few hours.
Missing in action....
Who would have thought that the last post was more than a year ago?
Marriage has certainly changed me. My imagination has been striped off me like the ripped shirt by a man in heat, my creativity sucked dry like every drop of delicious popsicle on a super hot summer day and my life in a white & black film of tears and depression and some good days.
But I am determined that this year should be different....this year I will have one of my lists and actually tick some stuff off. Because this year, I have a bigger picture. I know I want to leave a legend behind...I want to be the one that friends tell stories about. And if not, I want to be the one that is the envy of at least one unspeakable soul out there. And most of all, I want to be a fun mum...when the day comes.
So, today, I start my dream again. I start writing again. I start pumping the juices...squeezing water out of the make shift rocks in my brain. Because I know it doesn't take a miracle to change your life but baby steps into a different direction.
Baby Step 1 :-
HBF Run for a Reason
While every other of the 8000 participants ran for a charity, I ran for myself...my changed future. And I told myself I could do it all...and I know I can. The 5 weeks before were strapped with training and getting new Asics trainers. Running every chance I get...which is not often enough. I get my darling hubby to walk a few paces in front with his extremely long legs while I, like a chihuahua, runs to catch up. Soon, the little short legs, overtake the great stride of a white man and I feel triumphant for a second...a GREAT feeling for all the short-legged mankind!
BEST THING I DID - I did it on a whim...I paid for the fees before I could even back out. There was no turning back especially when the Asian in me knew I could not waste $40 bucks without at least getting something out of it. The adrenalin was addictive, lining up for miles at each stage (blue flushing toilets, bus rides & finding your starting point) made my heart quicken in pace in excitement and waiting for the gun fire to start with the cameras rolling made the first 5 minutes of the race all the rage. After that, as motivation lessen and the frozen finger & aching sides get to you, that's when you need to push on and have a clear mind. Sadly, it didn't work for me....I kept thinking how fun this would be if I had a partner in crime running beside me. So I walked then ran then walked and cursed then ran some more. After 36 minutes I was at the finishing line.....I made it! After all that cursing, wind burnt face & frustrating lines...I am guaranteed to do it again! BRING IT ON!
Baby Step 2 :-
I learned not to stress. Catered for 100 people in an event and for once...did not endure a sleepless night, only lashed out at my partner once & even took a step back 1 hour before the event to take a breather. This is a far cry from the lady who once cried, stressed, moaned & groaned plus stayed up all night before a driving test!
Cheers to a new 'me' and a 2011 filled with more "You can have it all!" moments!