Epistle of the stars!

Do you really know yourself?

Its only been a mere 26 days since the big day of change. But that day was nothing...compared to what seemed to have happened since then.

The one big day of happiness masked the many more important things that seems to have been forgotten to be addressed. A lot of brides feel lost after a wedding cuz they got nothing else to focus on...to plan for...to look forward to.

But for me, the wedding day was not a goal...a big event...but just a progression of time & day.

Sadly, today, after 2 whole days of crying and being bedridden it is not so much of a marathon of tasks but a tsunami of thoughts.

Within 26 days, I lost the trust and confidence I had in people around me. Most of the time I blame myself. Other times, I blame them. All because every single one of them...including my husband...believes that honesty is not the best policy and hiding/keeping secrets from me is easier that being open & truthful.

But when 3 people, the people one is supposed to depend on...to love....to grow old together.... decides deliberately to break your heart in 10 million pieces. All within the span of 3 days. You start to wonder!

"Is it me? Am I choosing the wrong people in my life? Is it me who causes them to act this way?"

And then you start thinking and analyzing. And then you conclude, maybe you don't know yourself that well. That you pick people in your life that is not compatible for you. You start to doubt that all that effort you put in...all that emotion....was because you had this false facade of yourself. That it was not a true indication of who I am but who I wanted to become (and am not!).

On Tuesday, when I was at a seminar, they say that successful driven people hang out with equally driven people. It kind of hit home base when the people who continue to touch my life are as driven...but the people now that I have chosen at this point to surround me is not as much. Is it my fault? Did I dream myself into a nightmare?

So, today, I am determined! I am to take a personality test and get to know myself better. From there, maybe I will decide.......I just hope it is not too late!

posted by Orion @ 12:55 PM 0 Comments

I get to have sex & tell everyone about it....

I think the only upside to marriage is being able to have sex and not have it feel like taboo. Lying in bed with a very sexy man still freaks me out....it feels weird...esp when you know everyone (ie your Pastor, parents and grandparents) knows you are doing it. It is like a secret let loose and you can't stop it! I think this is due to the many years of strict Christian upbringing where even the word sex is as disgusting as a Satanic bible.

So the wedding day, what can I say, everything was NOT a dream. Many things went wrong and boy it was nowhere near perfect. BUT it was the most amazing day ever. Let me tell you of the beautiful things that made that day a dream :-

1. My best friend drying my hair the night before while we laugh over crazy jokes
2. Having people from all around the world fly in just to tell you 'Congratulations'
3. Your best friends and family members not faint from seeing your fat rolls from undressing and getting into the blessed white dress...instead they focus on trying to stop themselves from shedding a tear at how beautiful they said I looked
4. Seeing that I can still shed a tear & ruin my make-up when I hear my now 2 years seasoned man sing 'our' song
5. My dad grin non stop for 8 hours
6. The limo driver that saved me from humiliation....yes she was kind enough to make sure my garter did not hang at my ankles as I walked down the aisle.
7. My first married couple kiss still caused sparks
8. I had fun walking back down the aisle....and everyone breaking out into a grin when they heard the song..."Love is in the air"
9. No one starved at the reception and neither did I
10. I did not trip over my dress dancing my first dance
11. We got upgraded to an executive suite...WEE HEEEEE

And best of all.....the people I love was there to see me marry the man I love.....

For those who couldn't be there, I missed you and hey...you were almost there from the amount of pictures on FB hey.....

posted by Orion @ 12:52 PM 0 Comments